What happens when a couple who has been together for some time decide they should get engaged and thereafter married because it’s the next logical step? I’m sure their discussion doesn’t involve the phrase “next logical step,” but if you dug underneath the need to get engaged, it would be the true (and only) reason, at least for one of the individuals. It may be the next logical step because of age, an unplanned pregnancy, length of time together, settling, intimacy opportunity, and the like. Unfortunately the missing key component would be true love and commitment for one another. In other words, the “this person is the one for me and I am in love” belief. This line of thought arose yesterday during a conversation I had with my friend AK and Daniel. Daniel and I later discussed what our marriage would look like if the reason behind why we got married was grounded in this approach. When we come across challenging marital issues, what foundation would we turn towards? I know for us we remind each other of the reasons why we fell in love with one another. We visit our shared values and beliefs. Lastly, we remind each other of our individual strengths, and how we complement one another to make a solid team. If a couple only got married because they dated each other the longest (or one of the reasons above), but the spark was absent, would their foundation be solid when marital troubles arose? Would their commitment be strong enough to survive challenging times?
I write this not to assume any couple who gets married because it’s the next logical step is doomed for marital failure. However, if it’s the only reason driving the marriage, my encouragement to the individuals in the relationship would be to think about your relationship’s foundation before making the commitment. What’s your perspective on this topic?