not having to ask

Recently I wrote about ask and you shall receive in regards to your communication of wants with your partner. Today’s post sounds like it contradicts the aforementioned post, and it does in one way, but also shines light into the minds of some of us women. To put simply, sometimes I wish Daniel read my mind and knew what I wanted so that I wouldn’t have to ask him accordingly. Unfortunately, this will never be the case. So I resort to asking and receiving what I want instead. However, there are times when I don’t want to ask, understanding fully that he is not a mind reader. Sometimes I want him to be thoughtful about what I may want. His need to employ this was essential when Zane was first born and I was nursing around the clock. Because I was always with him, it was likely that right after his feed, he would need a diaper change. In my “not having to ask” dream, Daniel would sweep on by and thoughtfully say, “Honey, let me give you a break and let me change his diaper.” HEHE, I laugh as I write this and imagine it. :) Instead, the reality is me asking Daniel, “Babe, can you come and change him please?! I need a break!!” After a handful of these interactions, you can imagine how it went down between us. Daniel argued that I should just tell him what I need and I argued that I shouldn’t always have to and that it’s obvious that I need a break. Since then he has been trying to be more thoughtful so that I don’t have to ask. After speaking with a handful of my lady friends who dream of the same thing, we believe it comes down to thoughtfulness. Hoping our significant others would take the time to think, “What can I do for my partner proactively so that she/he doesn’t need to ask my help with it?” Of course we can’t always be perfect with this, but I think the effort would be appreciated.

Can you relate to this? What solutions to this dilemma have you found helpful for your relationship?

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About Reaksmey

hi :) i'm reaksmey (reeks-may) and I love to think, reflect, and grow. do you? my life includes a handsome husband and a lively infant. here's where i write about how i grow through life's ups and downs so that i can humbly encourage you daily.
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2 Responses to not having to ask

  1. Ana Bee says:

    Well put, Reaksmey. I can completely relate to this issue. Your post made me think: I wonder if there is anything my partner wishes I would read his mind about…? This may be a controversial statement, but I do believe in some ways men are “simpler” to read. Maybe it’s that they can ask for what they want and need without feeling any guilt whatsoever. Maybe it’s that we women (lots of us) have the perfectionist problem, and want to appear as though we can do it all. And do it all well. And without complaining. Ha!
    I think one thing that helps this problem is being able to ask calmly for what we need. But as we both know- if a screaming or tired or hungry baby is in the vicinity, asking calmly can be a feat of patience.
    As a new mother, I feel myself growing stronger, gaining patience & wisdom, every day. That is the coolest thing, I think!

    Reaksmey Reply:

    Hi Anais! Thanks for your response. I agree about the guilt. I wish I didn’t have that accompanying my requests and needs, which is bizarre to think it does. I wonder why? My friend said guilt is felt if we did something wrong. But asking for what we need is nothing doing something wrong… I do believe asking calmly would be more effectiveness, but not always possible as you said if we’re tired and baby is crying. :) I’m so glad you’re growing from motherhood though!! I’d love to hear more from you as you read my posts and share your additional reflections!

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