have a life before you become a wife

I love this wisdom: “Have a life before you become a wife,” shared by Beyonce. This was her answer to a question Oprah asked her regarding the success of her marriage to Jay-Z. This belief resonated with me because I believe there is great value in following it. I think so often as women, we are waiting for prince charming to come along and make our lives. It’s as if we’re putting our lives on hold or living very slowly in hopes that our dream guy will come along and give us a reason for living a full life. I can say this thought passed through my mind many times. I spent time dreaming about Mr. Right and wondering when he’d come and where we’d meet. Once we met and fell in love, I dreamed of the life we would have together and how I’d be so happy. I laugh as I write this because this seems to be how us gals dream for some reason; I wonder where we learn it from? This way of thinking did not lend itself to a fulfilling life for myself before Daniel arrived. My thoughts did not involve creating a life that I wanted for myself that was comprehensive and meaningful that when Daniel entered, he would be a piece of it that would grow to become a bigger piece in my puzzle called life. I didn’t think about what I wanted to accomplish in the next 5 years, such as how I’d further my education, what hobbies I wanted to explore, where I wanted to travel, etc. Luckily I did catch myself not having a life while Daniel and I were in a long distance relationship and when we first united for good. It was at that point that I committed to going back to graduate school, serve abroad, have my own group of girl friends, and partake in yoga. I accomplished all of them except the serving abroad, which now has morphed into Daniel wanting to join me (and Zane too). So, my point is, it’s very important to not lose yourself in the new life you may share with your partner. It’s important to have your own life, especially when you first enter a relationship. It empowers you to be independent and have your own identity.

So I ask you, did you have a life before you became a wife?

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About Reaksmey

hi :) i'm reaksmey (reeks-may) and I love to think, reflect, and grow. do you? my life includes a handsome husband and a lively infant. here's where i write about how i grow through life's ups and downs so that i can humbly encourage you daily.
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3 Responses to have a life before you become a wife

  1. Kelly says:

    Okay, I’m going to be that disagreeable person…being disagreeable in public even! Forgive me. I didn’t have a life before I became a wife. But I wasn’t exactly waiting for Prince Charming either. I was just in school, had plans for grad school, figured I’d be a scientist some day, wanted to get married and have a family some day. Nothing was set in stone. I got married to John at 24, not super young, but not old enough to have accomplished much beyond school. It’s been 8 years, and I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything or like I should have gotten one more thing or two in before marriage. Even though we fail at this, our over all attitude is that I am all for him and he’s all for me. So, we’re pretty supportive of whatever the other wants to do, and it just seems to have worked out. Our dreams/goals/lives have become one.

    Reaksmey Reply:

    Hi Kelly! No worries about disagreeing; I am not always right, nor want to be. I hear what you’re saying and I am similar to you with the way it worked out with Daniel and I. I think what’s important with this statement is the value a woman places on her identity and ensuring that she doesn’t lose it and/or finds it in her husband when they get married. I find often that when that happens, and the couple separates, the woman is rebuilding herself because so much dependency was on the man to “make her life.”

  2. Kelly says:

    Totally Reaksmey,
    No man is going to make your life…but the God/Man Jesus Christ, right?

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