you know

In many of my conversations, people will ask me, “How will I know if he’s ‘the one’?” or “How do I know [x]?” And I always answer, “You know. I can’t explain it. There will just be no doubt.” From there, I’ll still be challenged because the person will not believe me. They want signs, measurables, etc. However, the beauty of how we were designed was that we have an innate understanding of when the right connection has been made or when something isn’t good for us. I, too, before I met Daniel, did not believe I would ever have this “knowing” feeling. I would quiz many people about it who had found true love. Interestingly, those who did not subscribe to this belief told me, “You just weigh the good and the bad about the person and if they’re a good person, then that’s a worthy reason to marry someone.” (I’m glad I didn’t take the latter advice). After being with Daniel for less than 6 months, I “knew” he was a keeper. Did I think we’d commit to a long distance relationship and he’d pick up everything and move to the States for me? No way! But he did, and we both took a huge risk to enter and maintain our courtship based on this “knowing” feeling. We just “knew” that we had something special, and in addition, our values and beliefs aligned. And it’s this “knowing” feeling that encouraged me to marry him without a hesitant thought in my mind. (Keep in mind, I was very skeptical of marriage given the divorce rate and my trust issues). In sum, I think the gift of this “knowing” feeling is one that we should embrace and trust in when all other objective measures fail. It’s allowing your heart (within reason) to guide your decisions versus letting your mind override. And when you know, be thankful that you have experienced this gift and submit to it. Not everyone gets there for whatever reason whether it be in their love life, career, friendships, etc.

What have you experienced in life that you just knew? Did you listen, rationalize, or reject it away? Where has it led you now?

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About Reaksmey

hi :) i'm reaksmey (reeks-may) and I love to think, reflect, and grow. do you? my life includes a handsome husband and a lively infant. here's where i write about how i grow through life's ups and downs so that i can humbly encourage you daily.
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2 Responses to you know

  1. Astrid says:

    There is an interesting debate about this and while I agree you “just know” is a legitimate conclusion to summarizing the feeling of rightness, I think there are concrete, evidence based circumstances that will allow you to draw to the same conclusion. More than anything, I am in the position that your instinct is the culmination of very small concrete analyses that allow you to rapidly draw to the conclusion that something is amiss. Listening to your well honed instincts saves you the hours of analyses that you would need to come out to the same conclusion. But I would argue that there are similarities across all healthy marriages that led people to assume the conclusion that the person they are with is the one for them. To me, we’re more universal in our needs of feeling recognized, valued and appreciated. We differ in how much and in what ways we would like those things to be expressed. But, the rightness of a person to an individual comes from meeting those abstract needs concretely and appropriately without much effort.

    To answer your question, I listen to my instincts most of the time, while recognizing a time to act and change and a time to plan the change. To me, I’ve done an adequate amount of reasoning with my intuition- ensuring that its motives are not of fear, of inadequacy and other misleading insecurities to a point that now, when I feel that my intuition says something is amiss, I trust it as I know that I’m no longer covering for my own inadequacies.

    Reaksmey Reply:

    Thanks for the more in depth insight. You may be onto something. Your thoughts on this “knowing” feeling adds more science to this notion. I think, as well as you, it’s recognizing and honoring your intuition when it tells you, “walk away; he/she isn’t the right match for you.”

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