healthy selflessness

I have been curious about this question for a while… when is selflessness good, bad, healthy, unhealthy? I have come across many people who are very selfless, definitely more than me. To aim to always serve others, think of others first, and to always put yourself last, are beautiful approaches I admire in these individuals. However, more often than not, I find that there isn’t a balance of helping others and helping oneself. And again, it’s amazing how their default is to think of others’ needs, wants, etc., but my concern comes when the individual is burnt out, subscribes to no self-care, loses their sense of identity, and above all else, is unhappy. I’m not sure if it’s a way to distract themselves from their own needs or simply to be a gracious servant. So again, I ask the question: what is healthy selflessness? I understood that when Zane came into the picture, I would need to relinquish much of my freedom and leisure activities since he would demand so much of me. Although I do this, there is still a part of me that is selfish in a sense because I take breaks from him to have me time; I allot some money to myself to buy things; I choose to work a little bit to feel fulfilled, etc. In general, I very much fight to keep me in tact to ensure that I am happy. However, this focus on myself, definitely less than before he was born, still makes me wonder if I am not selfless enough, especially compared to my other selfless mother friends. I know comparing won’t get me anywhere, so to share, my end goal is to obtain a healthy balance of serving others, my family and friends, and myself. As I write this, I wonder if this obtainment even needs to have the word selfish/selfless in it…

Can you help shine some insight? What is healthy selflessness to you? If I am serving myself in attempt to care for myself, is that considered selfish?

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About Reaksmey

hi :) i'm reaksmey (reeks-may) and I love to think, reflect, and grow. do you? my life includes a handsome husband and a lively infant. here's where i write about how i grow through life's ups and downs so that i can humbly encourage you daily.
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