Lately I have had the constant thought, “No need to prove yourself, Reaksmey.” I have struggled, whether consciously or unconsciously, with this erroneous cognitive behavior all my life. From childhood, I have been proving my worth, whether it be to my parents, friends, or school staff. I think anywhere possible, and to whomever possible, I have been striving to show others that I am a good person or student. As I’ve gotten older, I have tried to prove myself in the workforce through my work ethic, relationships, and results. And in my personal life, I try to prove that I am a good wife, mother, friend, and daughter. I think the only part of my life I do not try to prove myself in is what I do for others behind closed doors. My “good deeds” are not publicized and are kept between me and the recipient. Sometimes I even keep myself anonymous because I’d prefer it that way. As I am typing this and reflecting on this big deal “issue” in my life, I am realizing that being a good person, and doing things in the name of Christ, when no one is evaluating me is a bigger deal than anything. It’s between me and God. I never feel like I have to prove this to anyone. So for me to try to prove myself in all the other “seen” realms and roles in my life is worthless. Consequently, I am realizing that once I remove the need to prove myself to others, I can just be me and freely say and act accordingly. (Of course I still try to use a filter, but I if something uncensored comes out, I am not hard on myself). So as I move forward with this area for growth, I need to remind myself that I am self-aware and self-knowledgeable about myself. And further, that I love me and how I was uniquely created. I am not perfect, but am always striving to do the best I can for myself, my family, my loved ones, and everyone I come in contact with on a daily basis. If that’s not enough, I don’t have anything else to prove.
Have you felt like you need to prove yourself to someone? How do/did you address this area for growth?